I'm going to preface this blog by saying that it is about irrational fear. This is important. You see, I don't want anyone commenting on this with things like "But they're harmless!", "They're more afraid of you than you are of them!" or "I have half a dozen as pets and they are very affectionate."
It's an irrational fear. Do not approach this rationally. I'll be forced to bludgeon you to death with a platform slipper.
I don't know how I came to have this fear. All I know is that for as long as I can remember, I have been terrified out of my mind by spiders.
Let me clarify here. I don't mean little Daddy Long Legs or Money Spiders or critters like that. They don't worry me in the slightest. I mean the big hairy ones. Go look up Huntsman and Wolf spiders, you'll see what I mean.
They're not even poisonous. They are just creepy and make my skin crawl. They scuttle. They have too many legs. They have too many eyes. And they are hairy.
Most of you will not walk into a room and see something as big as the span of your hand with eight legs and a bad attitude sitting on your wall. Perhaps if you live in tropical areas or if you are a fellow Aussie, but most of you are only going to see them on The Discovery Channel.
It's a regular occurrence around here.
It happened last night.
I was snuggling up in bed for a nice chat with my boy before I went to sleep and he went to work when my eyes were drawn to the curtain pelmet. There it was, as big as my hand. And I turned into a complete gibbering idiot. Ghost quietly talked me out of hyperventilating and convinced me that everything was OK and that I could get out of bed and kill it.
They have to die. I can't just catch them and put them outside. I can't leave them, I don't know where they will end up. And before you think I'm just being paranoid, I've had multiple horrible encounters with them that all relate to me leaving 'the poor thing' alone.
I don't ask much, just that they don't come into my house. I don't have a big house. They have the rest of the whole wide world to live in. Just not in my house.
Shaking and shivering, I managed to get the bug spray (I was all out of hair spray, which is much better for immobilising them) and start spraying. I was hoping it would be quiet and just drop off the pelmet so that I could squish it.
Damn, he was jumpy. He abseiled down the edge of the curtain and hit the floor running. Right under my bed. Where I keep the ugly vertical blinds that used to be on the windows and a spare pair of fluffy slippers.
I panicked. Heaven knows what Ghost thought on the other end of the phone. I didn't dare look under the bed. I had no idea where it might have gone. And I would never, ever be able to wear my slippers again.
I couldn't move until I knew where it had gone. It might have crawled into my underwear drawer or my bed. It might be curled up in one of my slippers.
It bolted out from under the bed, running right towards me.
You'd have to ask Ghost what sort of noises I was making through all this. I think I screamed. I almost ran. Then, with a terrified moan, I yanked off my platform slipper and belted it.
It's a big slipper. I hit it really hard. Ghost could hear the thump.
I swear, if the damn thing could talk it would have shrugged two legs at me and said "What? Wha'd I do?"
I hit it again. It crumpled into a tiny ball. It was dead. And I thought I was going to throw up. I fetched some stiff cardboard so that I could dispose of the corpse. And then I climbed back into bed and tried not to hyperventilate again.
I know, I sound pathetic. But we are talking irrational fears here. I don't know why, I can't explain it. But would it be too much to ask for them to stay outside?
Tree, I swear to God, I am beginning to believe that you and my wife were born twins and separated at birth. Except for the small matter that she's five months younger than you. But those records can be doctored, now, can't they?
Whoops. That should read "five months older", not younger. Dang.
I figure if the bug can't respect my personal boundaries, it's gonna die. Same for burglers, too.
...oh, I agree, if crawly things can't stay out of my space than they are at the mercy of temperment at the time of discovery. I don't go crawling into their space and I expect same consideration.
...irrational fear of hand sized spiders?! Think not, it sounds like sanity to me! Sure has developed your target/hit ratio. I bet you're a big hit at the carnivals. The MuSe
I used to be very phobic about spiders. I once had to borrow a neighbor's boy to come and kill a nice fuzzy fat black one that had gotten into my living room. The boy, recognizing the deepness of my fear of the spider, proceeded to 'teach' me how easy it was to use a long handled soupspoon to 'explode' spiders. [our spider was only the size of a thumb] It was no use then, because at the height of my fear, if could have shot the spider with a gun from across the room, I'd've still been too close.
About 10 years ago I watched Arachnophobia and became fascinated with how the spider trainer could manipulate them. The 2nd or 3rd time I watched the movie (facing my fear) I began to think the spiders in the movie were very cute. After that I became less and less fearful of spiders. I can kill them if I need to, but I am also able to get them into containers and put them outside without even breaking a sweat.
But I have to tell you, I don't think I could face off a spider the size of my hand. It would have to be shot from across the room.
LOL JaNell!!!! Ha!
Well, I don't think it's all that irrational. *I* have hard-core arachnaphobia, too. The little ones don't bother me. It's the Wolf spiders in Seattle that freak the SHIT outta me. Here's what *I* do. I suck the up with the vacuum cleaner hose. Once I turn the machine off, I keep the hose UPRIGHT, or take it OUT, so the critter can't escape through the damn thing again. I've had a lot of luck, and I don't have to smoosh them into bits and pieces, which is just as gross as watching them walk around.
Aiiiiieeeeeeee. Gettin' creeped out just THINKIN' about it! Yuuuuck!
p.s. Yes, hon. If you're ever in Seattle, WA, I'll be sure to take you for a drive!
I don't think there is such a thing as an irrational fear about spiders. We have Wolf spiders in the U.S. midwest, but supposedly they are endangered in Missouri, so we aren't supposed to kill them. I do kill though, and with great joy, Brown Recluses, which are about the size of your big toe and poisonous.
no fuzzy plushie spiders for tree for holidays. check.
You know, Tree, even though I do have a tarantula as a pet, I think finding a wild one hanging out on my wall would flip my lid too. Good girl for taking care of the crawlie yourself!
Dude,
I feel your pain spiders freak me out so bad I have waking dreams. Ever done it? I only do it with spiders. I dream I see millions of spiders crawling up the wall behind my bed now the killer is I am awake looking at the wall (Or sometimes my pillow) so I'm actually LOOKING at the actual wall but i'm dreaming the spiders, messes with my head hard core! Poor Bill, every time this happens I make him get up I pull all the blankets off the bed and search for them even though I know it had to be a dream.
i kinda like having a big huntsman on the window to freak out guests - but on the OUTSIDE of the window. minimum requirement - a nice big plate of glass between me and said monster. otherwise, one of the two of us have to go and usually its ME, and someone else has to deal with em. I even get the ol 'irrational fear' thing over cane toads - natives to these tropical climes - but nevertheless not welcome houseguests in this household. uurk!
They don't bother me, but I feel for you. For me it is mice. Lizard too. Little scurrying animals that startle.
Oh No .. those are wooly buggers ... very hairy .. and huge spidey's ...I am sorry they are such a terror for you .. keep that platform slipper handy and instead of bugspray squash em' there is some gratification in the big "splat" hehehe take care !!!!
That is not irrational, dear. I think we ALL have intense fears about some thing or another.
erk!
i love spiders.
not sure i'd want to share a house with one that big, but would be better than some of the roommates i've had.
*sigh*
mostly i'd be afraid of accidentally dropping something on it when i didn't realize it was there.
ok, i'm the kind of person who gets upset when she steps on a snail.
the only thing i have no mercy for is cockroaches.
but, maybe with enough exposure to spiders you'd get over the fear of them somehow? if you *want* to...
I live in australia home of the giant huntsman spider. I am so terrified of them, it's always on my mind. Last night a huge one was in my bedroom sitting ominously on the wall, it was furry and big, 2 qualities that i only really find appealing in cats. It took me about half an hour to kill it. I spray until its white and frothy and then i follow its death march around the room anxiously stressing out over everything it t ouches.
I cannot bring myself to have contact with it, even a broom handle feels like i am connnected and it may runnnnn up and .. well, i dont know , GET ON ME?? when i gets out into an open space i put a bowl on top of it so i dont have to spend longer watching where it goes off to die.
I have dealt with these spiders regularly over the last 5 years having moved to the mountains, i've had numerous ones in my car, one even dropped on my head as i came out my front door (causing me to do the wild yet neighbour-entertaining dance on the front lawn) it looks very tribal with a lot of self slapping and on occasion speedy removal of clothes.) and do you know, - despite all my 'exposure' i am stilllll terrified. I can deal better wtih them now, but i dont think i'llever get to a point where i feel they should be released back into the garden instead of SPRAYED to death.
well thats my experience :D
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ABSOLUTELY! Ok, I admit. I don't live in Australia and I don't watch the Discovery Channel. In fact I live in NYC and we hardly have DaddyLongLegs here. In any case, I TOTALLY feel your fear! Are you KIDDING ME??? If I saw a spider the size of my HAND? I WOULD GO NUTTY! I have cousins in Australia, and now that I realize there's HUGE BUGS down there, I will NEVER go visit them!! Well, unless.. I get over my fear. EPROPS TO YOU for being able to kill the thing!