09 April 2002
Hard life lessons

Weigh in: 80/177 (kg/lbs)

Not too bad considering the alcohol-fuelled binge my brother and I had on Sunday.

Last night was hard. My brother confronted his partner and told him to move out. Without batting an eyelid, his partner agreed that it was for the best.

It was so hard as my brother wept into my shoulder last night. His partner left the relationship a long time ago. He's processed it. He's over it. He's gone. My brother has not had time to process any of this. He is just in a world of hurt and bewilderment.

He doesn't understand why his partner isn't hurting the way he is. How can he not be haemorrhaging internally? Why isn't he suffering?

I've been where my brother is now. Anyone who has been dumped knows this feeling. Feeling your heart being sucked into a void. Where everything you see and hear and touch and taste and smell and do and remember HURTS. That relentless pain and all you can see is your ex moving on. Living. Enjoying life. Getting what they want.

And all you can do is writhe in emotional agony.

My brother echoed my own words to me. "I want him to hurt like I do."

I know it is spiritually wrong of me, but I do too. Revenge is petty. What goes around comes around and all that. But if I thought I could get away with it, I would curse my brotherís ex to this pain, over and over again, until he learned the skills to care for another human being properly.

Don't get me wrong, my brother was no saint in all of this. Issues on both sides fuelled the break-up. But the balance of the problems lay with my brother's ex and his emotional immaturity.

I want him to learn.

I want him to grow up.

I want the lessons to be short and sharp and cruel.

And I want him to bleed like my little baby brother is right now.

ladymisstree • 03:59 PM

Understood. Especially from a big sister POV.

I always want to be some kind of sorceress who can cast a kind of empathy spell on people, *forcing* them to feel and know the consequences of their actions.

And then I have some major mea culpa moment, and begin to understand the vastness of divine mercy.

*hugs* to your baby bro.

pamela_bird told me at 01:54 AM on 10|04|02

He will. It always comes around. His turn will come. The funny thing is your brother's turn to not hurt as much will come as well.

CatInTheMist told me at 02:54 PM on 10|04|02

I believe in Karma and I believe he will get his but in the meantime give baby brother a hug for me OK :(

zoodom told me at 05:45 AM on 11|04|02

I know your brother is hurting, but he has to realize that no human being deserves to hurt that bad...he must learn to love himself as much as he does his x-partner...he is worth that love...the x isn't...I pray the emotional pain leaves him soon with a wisdom of how important he is and how short life is...hugs to you both Sassy

Sassenach_org told me at 08:26 AM on 12|04|02

Ultimately, the pain one feels means that the relationship MEANT something. And love - real, honest human LOVE - is never, ever wasted. Not much of a comfort in the grieving process, but your brother is the better person for being the one who actually CARED enough.

kluless told me at 12:42 AM on 14|04|02

such as in the story of cain and abel, revenge is not no sweet subsititute. my child, instead of revenge, prayer will help both of you get on your feet. for acts of giving are only rewarded with acts of receiving. hear this and spread the word of g0d.

g0d told me at 04:10 PM on 15|04|02

Oh, and plagiarizing individual lines is what all creative writers do... Sometimes we need a little jump start to get our little (in my case) peanut brains going.

kluless told me at 12:25 AM on 16|04|02

:huggles: have a bright and sparkerlee dayee tomorrow. good luck on our diet.

harmony_star told me at 02:30 PM on 16|04|02

Due to the amount of comment spam I'm receiving on old entires, comments are now closed for this entry. Please feel free to add a comment on a more recent post or drop me an email!

Got Something to Say?

Don't you forget about me: