So much for me and "Because I said so!"

The last couple of weeks have found me bottomed out, flat to the ground, I don't even want to get out of bed depressed. Random phone calls from friends and family making sure I'm OK depressed. Having people start in shock when I laugh because it's been that long depressed.

Why?

Change.

The type I need to make and the type that gets made for me.

VeryModern's blog has cleared some of the haze for me. This isn't just happening to me. It's happening all over the world to varying degrees. But this is my blog, so it's my perspective on it.

I love my job. What I do isn't brain surgery. I'm not saving the world. But I love doing the voodoo that I do so well.

I have been working for the same company for seven years. I love the owners dearly and their vision for the business speaks to me personally.

Recently, the company was sold to a global consortium.

Fair enough, I thought. The owners have been putting in their blood, sweat and tears for ten years. It was time for them to take from the business and kick back with the profits. They were still managing the business, it's just they had a boss to report to now. Procedures got tightened a little, but nothing much changed.

Then we moved offices.

It had to happen. We had run out of room. We were sharing phones and network connections in the old office. And we had so much work on that we needed more bodies to do it. The new office is better than the old one. Sure, the culture changed some, but nothing much.

As a consequence, new people started. The people changed the tone of the office. But change is not a bad thing. They brought new skills and new attitudes. We needed those fresh perspectives.

This all happened while people in this industry were retrenched all around me, while companies that do this sort of work collapsed. People who I used to work with who have struck out on their own have lost their jobs in the current market uncertainty.

In addition to this, I've had to move house and I've had to do a lot of travel.

I've been able to make the best of both (find a lovely new place, take advantage of the travel to relax and visit family and friends), but when you don't have a choice in the matter it is very unsettling, especially moving.

It's meant that my finances have been crap almost all year.

On top of all of this, like everyone else, I've been experiencing the fear, horror and uncertainly caused by recent events around the world. The loss of innocence, the effect on business, the fear of war. Businesses have been folding like origami in Australia recently.

But the straw that broke the camel's back was placed last Wednesday. The two people who have guided me in my career, who have given me so many chances to try new things and explore new avenues announced that they were leaving the company and moving overseas.

I can't begrudge them that. It has always been their plan to leave. It just never felt as though it was going to happen. And it hurts very badly. I feel almost betrayed by them.

Last Wednesday night I found myself in a torrent of tears. It was as if everything that 2001 had thrown at me collapsed in all at once like an imploding star. I wept like I haven't done in years.

I'm a Taurus. 2001 has attacked me on every front that I hold dear. My job, my home, my finances and my security. It's left me in somewhat of a spin.

I know I have things sweet. I have my health and people who love and stand by me. I'm not in immediate danger, I'm just out of my comfort zone. I just need a pat on the head and someone to tell me it's all going to be OK. Just while I can't see straight.

I'm just wallowing in some self-pity before I pull it all together.

Thanks for letting me vent. Excuse my self-indulgence. I'll return to my scheduled programming as soon as possible.