The more I deal with the medical profession, the more I fear they are just making it up on the spot.

I warned you in my summary of 2004 that my allergy testing results were comedy gold.

I wasn't kidding.

So they test my blood for allergies to mangoes and pistachioes, along with all the usual suspects, just in case.

We get the results in and guess what? I'm not allergic to EITHER mangoes or pistachioes. Well, not according to the blood test, anyway.

However, I am mildly allergic to peanuts. Apparently, rather like the Dread Pirate Roberts spending the last few years building up an immunity to iocaine powder, by snacking on the odd peanut butter sandwich, I have built up an immunity to my allergy.

So they move on to the skin prick test. This mediaeval form of torture basically involves a nurse dripping or crushing whatever it is you are allergic to onto your bare flesh (the insides of your arms) and then poking holes in you with a lancet to see if you come up in a lump.

Nope. Nothing. Nix, nada, bupkis.

Not allergic to pistachio or mango, even if you grind it into my skin.

The doctor was looking at me like I had two heads at this point. He suggested a food challenge.

While I had my hopes up for an 'Iron Chef' stylee event, it turned out to be me taking a pistachio, rubbing it against the inside of my lip and being intently watched by medical staff to see if I had a reaction.

Nothin' doin'.

The final part of the challenge was for me to eat the pistachio.

My first pistachio in over three years.

Mmm, it was delicious. I'd forgotten how good they were.

I was watched intently by medical staff. The poor nurse nearly fell over running for the adrenalin when I mumbled an apology that she didn't hear, and tried to pick bits of pistachio out of my teeth discreetly while a doctor and two nurses were staring at me. The poor love thought I was having a reaction.

Nope, the only reaction I had was an intensed desire to eat the rest of the pistachios.

They didn't do a food challenge with mango this time, just in case I did react and they couldn't tell what triggered it. They just sent me back to the consulting room for a final consultation with the doctor.

I walked into the room to find one of the nurses and three allergy specialists sitting there, all looking at me like some sort of rare specimen.

They fired questions at me about my medical history and allergies for about half an hour. Then, at the end, they all looked at each other, simultaneously shrugged their shoulders and looked at me.

They have NO CLUE what I am allergic to.

In fact, I might not be allergic to anything specific at all. Pending the mango food challenge and a blood test to establish if I'm allergic to latex (oops, there go the bondage parties!), the diagnosis is likely to be idiopathic anaphylaxis.

No, that does not mean I'm allergic to idiots and psychopaths, it means that I might just have reactions for no good reason at all.

Lucky me.

On the brighter side, it isn't severe. Severe cases have more than 6 reactions a year. I've had two in three years, not bad in terms of frequency of life-threatening events.

As for treatment, there really isn't any. Other than walking around with an Epi-pen and hoping it doesn't happen again.

The best news of all, pending Thursday's blood test results and the food challenge, this weekend, I'm having a mango orgy. I plan to roll naked in a bathtub full of mango flesh while consuming obscene quantities of them, interspersed with handfuls of pistachioes. After all, I have three years worth of nuts and almost an entire season of mangoes to make up for!