I was reading Strawberry Fields' blog and her recent entries somehow made me think of this story. Relatives, nudity, yup, it's going to be one of those kinds of stories...

My aunt and uncle had offered to take me on a holiday one Christmas to Queensland. I was 16. The idea of me going off to make mischief with my similarly aged cousin for several weeks in the sun was too good to pass up. The only catch? My cousin and aunt were already up there, having flown up. I had to drive with my uncle.

For three days.

Let me give you a bit of background to my uncle.

He's a lovely guy, really. Great sense of humour. His favourite trick is driving past an abbatoir, then lowering all the electric windows and locking them down so you can't escape the stench. Or perhaps screaming "INDIANS!" at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason and scaring the absolute bejesus out of you (the correct response I later discovered being "COWBOYS!")

He is also a significantly older gentleman. SIGNIFICANTLY.

Let me remind you how old I was.

And how long the trip was.

Can you see where this is going?

It was bad enough when we pulled up at a hotel for the night. The looks I would get. The looks he would get. No point saying, "But he's my UNCLE!" Uh-huh. And the cheque is in the mail. And he looks like money so I couldn't even try, "Don't you think I'd have better taste than to fuck him?"

So here we are, in a hotel. It's about 5am. My uncle is a very early riser. I am not. Since I was not awake to talk to, he decided to go out to the car to get a book to read.

He forgets the car alarm is set.

His glasses are in the hotel room.

He can't read the car alarm panel to switch it off.

5am, the car alarm is screaming, my uncle is yelling my name and EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the hotel is out on their balcony ready to watch the fun.

I sum up the situation. There is only one thing to do.

Yours truly enters stage left in her underwear to switch off the alarm. I almost waved to my adoring fans.

Thank you, thank you, fuck you all very much. I'll be here through Thursday. Try the fish.

A friend of mine recently said that all underwear stories are good stories. I have a number of them. Tell me yours.