Weigh in: 89/196 (kg/lbs). Pow. Another one bites the dust.

Damn, I'm good.

I've been playing mixed netball once a week for the past month.

For those of you who don't know what netball is, imagine basketball where you aren't allowed to move with the ball as soon as you get it, no dribbling, no nothing. If you get the ball, you stop dead. It's a recipe for knee reconstruction, let me tell you.

So if you find yourself in possession of the ball, you have to pass it within three seconds or the ball goes to the opposition. There are more rules about where the ball can go and how far it can travel in one pass and stuff, but that is boring. There are six players per side and the ring has no backboard. So when you shoot, you don't get to bounce it in off the backboard, either it goes in or you lose. You only get one point per goal and no bonuses from shooting it outside the netball equivalent of the key.

We are the crappiest team in the league. Possibly in Melbourne. Maybe even the world.

We are BAD.

How bad are we? The umpires deliberately make calls in our favour just to give us a chance. Last night one of our players hit the ball out of bounds. The umpire called it as our throw in. Our player told her that she had hit the ball out, it should go to the opposition. The umpire smiled, indicated her whistle and said, "I'm the umpire. I make the decisions."

That's how bad we are.

We are getting better. We are scoring more goals each game. But our losing margins are increasing exponentially. We got trounced by 18 points last night.

We get done like dinners.

Those of us who have played before, haven't played for around 15 years or so. Those of us who haven't played before, come from backgrounds like rugby and Australian rules football. We tend to be a rather ‘physical' team. And in a non-contact sport, that doesn't go down particularly well.

Especially when we flatten opposition players.

More so when we flatten players on our own team...

I've learned a lot about my co-workers playing netball with them. For example, the gorgeous, blonde Bridget. She is sunnier than a summer's day. A beautiful, fun, wonderful person. Just DO NOT get in her way when she's trying to get the ball because she will lay you out flat and nearly knock you unconscious on the way.

I'm a little sneakier, I'll just get in your way and stand on your toes. Then I go all big-eyed and apologetic. Because I didn't mean it. Really I didn't...

The only games we have won so far have been forfeits when the other team doesn't show up.

Anyway, we were getting annihilated last night, again, when a couple of the girls started giggling like mad. They waved my attention over to the court beside us where another couple of teams were playing.

Oh my...

There was a gentleman playing who had chosen to wear itty-bitty jogging shorts to play. Shorts that did not quite cover his tackle. And there it was, waving in the breeze.

Line of the match? "They should be disqualified for having too many members on the court..."