No, not herpes, you sick bastards.

I'd just like to thank the kind soul who graciously decided to share their holiday lurgi with Ghost, treating him to nearly a week of lung infections, fever and the sort of hacking cough you get after smoking ten packs a day from about the age of three and a half.

I'd also like to thank my darling husband who, demonstrating unparalleled generosity, has donated his lurgi to me, causing me to manufacture mucus in quantities inexplicable to science. My voice is veering from non-existant to drag queen-esque and the back of my throat feels like it's coated in broken glass.

To that generous stranger, may the holiday season bring you light, laughter and facially deforming acne, you complete and utter bastard.