Just when you thought the hype and bullshit surrounding terrorism and the 'threat' to the US could not get any more ridiculous...

I send semi-regular care packages containing goodies that are hard to get outside Australia to friends overseas. Admittedly, it's been a while since I've sent a batch of them since finances have been tight, but today I wandered down to the post office with Tim Tams, Cherry Ripes and the like to send to friends in need.

The package to the UK and the package to Canada were fine. The packages to the US? No go.

Apparently, as of December 2003, as part of the FDA's new Food Bioterrorism Regulations ('Protecting the Food Supply'), my box of PRE-PACKAGED food could pose a bioterrorist threat to the US.

What the fuck?

Did Arnotts add anthrax to the list of ingredients without telling me?

Now, in order to send any pre-packaged food to friends in the US, I have to register with the Prior Notice System Interface and warn the FDA that they are coming.

[cut to mental image of Paul Revere riding through the night shouting, "The Tim Tams are coming! The Tim Tams are coming!"]

To warn them, I need to go through a series of excruciating steps and questions, such as:

"The Submitter is the person with knowledge of the required Prior Notice information submitted to FDA. The Transmitter is the person who is logged into the system and who transmits the information either as the Submitter or on behalf of the Submitter. If you are the Submitter, answer Yes to the question below. Are you the Submitter for this Web Entry? If you are NOT the Submitter, select the country containing the business location of the Submitter and then click on the Enter Submitter button to provide further information about the Submitter."

I wish I was joking about this.

Of course, in a completely nonsensical twist, if the food is home-made, I don't need to do anything at all. I can just stuff my home-made sarin gas and anthrax chip cookies into a box and post them straight over to the US. What crack smoking monkey came up with this legislation?

For the love of all that's holy, will SOMEONE please replace the current administration with a ficus? If nothing else, it will stem the bullshit legislation spewing out of the US for a while.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have several packets of Tim Tams I need to unwrap and stuff into ziplock baggies so I can label them as home-made.