When you have been flying for 12 hours, it's the little things that amuse you the most.

Many of you have never seen (and will never see) the Nonimmigrant Visa Waiver card that must be completed by foreign visitors to the US. It's a fascinating document intended, I'm sure, to keep the rotten apples out of your cosy little barrel. Have a look at some of the questions the US government likes to ask visitors:

"Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude..."

Moral turpitude?

I don't know what it is, but it sure sounds like fun. Say it to yourself. Moral turpitude. Doesn't it just make you want to dash out and commit acts of it?

"...or a violation related to a controlled substance; or been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more; or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?"

Dammit, you mean they won't let me engage in immoral activities? Well, bother. I guess I'll just get back on the plane and go home again.

Or how about:

"Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or it's allies?"

Can't you just see terrorists ticking the Yes box?

I mean, for crying out loud, as if ANYONE is going to answer yes to these questions. And to top off this beautiful bit of bureaucracy, try this out for size:

"If you answered "Yes" to any of the above, please contact the American Embassy BEFORE you travel to the US since you may be refused admission to the United States."

And when do they give you this form?

About an hour before you land.

A little late for that, don't you think?

"Um, excuse me, Miss. Could you please ask the pilot to turn the plane around and take us back to Australia? You see, I committed acts of moral turpitude last night and I may be refused admission to the US."

Like I said, it's the little things that amuse you on long plane flights.