The better living through chemistry plan seems to be a good one for the moment. Some side effects that we're working on, but the best side effect seems to be just feeling like regular Tree again.

You don't realise how far down the rabbit hole you are until someone helps you out again. The day after I started the meds, I woke up and thought to myself, "Fuck, this is how NORMAL feels!"

In order to test my theory, I've embarked on a project. A test, as it were.

I've flung myself into the murky depths of NaNoWriMo again.

I tried it in 2002, I was travelling in 2003 so I couldn't enter and I'm curious to know how the meds impact me in 2004. I just want to know if I can still be creative and normal at the same time. So here I am again. 50,000 in 30 days. So far so good. I'll keep you posted on how I go and I might even put up my story when I'm done.

I should have known how pear-shaped things were when I went into the declutter and reorganising frenzy from hell recently.

You see, when I'm stressed, I tidy. At my old job, everyone knew to steer well clear of me if I was tidying my desk. It was a way of maintaining control and a way to clear my head. I couldn't clear the clutter from my head until I'd cleared the clutter around me.

A few months back, I had this ferocious urge to clear out the entire house. Boxes, bags, suitcases of stuff were dug out, sorted and either tossed or donated to charity. The local mission is about to erect a statue in my honour, I believe, from the sheer quantity of stuff I donated.

I also dropped some cash on new storage and reorganised several rooms in the house.

Don't worry, this isn't a mania thing and I didn't toss out everything we owned, I just had cupboards full of clutter (and anyone who has stayed here can testify to the ridiculous number of cupboards in this place) and it HAD to go.

I feel clearer now that it's gone. My house is always the best indicator of the inside of my head, the messier it is, the messier I am.

I've been receiving wonderful emails of support from a bunch of you. It's been incredible and you're all the bestest in the world. Several have suggested that the weight loss is involved in this and I agree.

I've explained my theory to a couple of people and it seems to make sense. For me, the weight loss has been a bit like a badly planned house renovation. For example, say you have cracks in your walls. So you replaster and repaint and rearrange the furniture and it looks great. Everyone tells you it looks great. But two weeks later, the walls have cracked again, because it's not the walls that are the problem, but the foundation.

There's a reason I stacked on the weight and the reasons were hidden by the weight. Peeling it off is exposing the reasons to the light and they don't like it all that much.

I suspect I have some interesting head work ahead of me. But I like a challenge. I've done a pretty good renovation job on the outside so far, let's see if we can't makeover the interior and convert it from a renovator's delight into a cosy home.

But if anyone tries to install a water feature, I'm taking hostages!