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It's an old saw, but today really proved to me how important planning can be.

Mina talked about how each night she writes down what she's going to eat the following day. It helps her plan her food and keep things under control.

I'm not nearly so organised, I tend to scrawl down what I'm going to eat as I'm standing in the kitchen eating my breakfast. A bit less organised, but it helps me keep control of the rest of the day. I don't need to think about what I'm going to eat, because I already know what I'm going to eat.

Of course, you do get unexpected lunch or dinner invites or cake for someone's birthday so you need to go back and revise, but otherwise it's a good plan.

So I've decided to do NaNoWriMo (yes, I'm completely insane, but I thought we established that a couple of entries ago?) this year. Today was a BBQ picnic for Melbourne participants. I had a sneaking suspicion that the food there would not be the sort of stuff I need to be loading into my gullet at the moment. So, as I ate my toast this morning, I planned out lunch and dinner and packed a lunch for myself.

Bloody good thing I did too. It was all soft drinks (sodas), beer, chips, dips, sausages, donuts and chocolate. Had I not thought ahead and planned out my own lunch, today's eating would have been a disaster area.

Instead, I could politely refuse the chips and snack on my rice/corn crackers or nuts or carrot sticks or cherry tomatoes. I had a smoked chicken, sundried tomato and feta salad to eat, instead of greasy sausages on white bread.

It made it easier to refuse things because I had planned ahead to have other options (and delicious ones at that). I did cave and have a beer, but I planned to be under one point for today, so I'm only over by one.

It's not about being super virtuous or anything like that. It's simply about creating an environment where you're less likely to fail (thanks, Dr Phil!). Sure, I still could have eaten the junk they had at the BBQ, but giving myself a good choice to start with made it easier to make a good choice.

(Thank you to everyone for their lovely comments on my photos! I'm blushing!)

Thank you all so much for your support and wonderful comments and emails and even phone calls! I was sitting here a couple of nights ago absorbing your comments with tears in my eyes (happy tears!), knowing that I was not alone and that there were a whole bunch of you out there cheering for me. It's a wonderful feeling and thank you. It means more to me than I can possibly say.

Things are good in Chez Tree right now. The Lexapro seems to have kicked in and I'm feeling better about everything in general.

I was responding to a meme I had done in my other blog and some of my readers over there had called for 'before' and 'after' photos of me.

Since you guys have been supporting me so well here, I thought it only fair I shared them with you too! (Yes, there will be race day frock photos, but the hat won't be ready until Monday, so you'll just have to be a bit more patient!)

But before that, I wanted to share this photo of two gorgeous dames taken during Beckie's recent visit to Melbourne.

No wonder the temperatures skyrocketted while she was here. Two such hot women in one town? Postively dangerous!

Sometimes all it takes is a 'before' and 'after' comparison to realise just how far you've come. This was a bit of a shock to me, but a very pleasant one!

The photo on the left was taken Christmas Day, 2003. The photo on the right was taken Oct 27, 2004. I'm not sure what my weight was in the 'before' picture, but a month and a half later I weighed in at my highest weight ever, so I'm sure I wasn't too far away from 100.6kg (221.7kg) The one on the right is around 22kg (48lb or 88 ) later.

The tracksuit pants on the right are a size 20, the jeans on the left are a loose 16.

Oh, and I have a snazzy new haircut too!

Just for kicks, I tried on the pair of jeans I had to buy at Christmas time because I couldn't fit into any of the pairs I owned at the time (which I've since shrunk out of as well).

I've had family and friends tell me how much I've lost, Beckie thought I was absolutely tiny when she met me and, intellectually, I know I have shrunk because my clothing size has changed. But I'm living in this body day to day and I don't get the external perspective people around me have.

These photos are wonderful validation of how far I've come and just what I can achieve when I put my mind to it. Here's to the next lot of before and after photos!

A tiny little gain this week, .1kg (.2lb). Almost not worth remarking on, considering that we had a family celebration yesterday and it's the week before TTOM, when I traditionally retain water.

But there may be something else behind it. And that something else may be responsible for a huge slow-down (or, gods forbid, stopping) of my progress.

This is difficult.

All the perky entries, all the perky comments?

Well, it's been a big, fat lie.

Not the content, that's all been genuine.

The perky.

For the last couple of months, I've been slowly spiralling down into a hole.

This is normal for me around Winter. I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I'm used to being a bit blue during Winter. Then Spring hits and everything is fine again.

Not this year.

This year, the black dog kept following me around and despite receiving some wonderful news, being financially solvent and being in the best shape of my life, I was getting more and more depressed.

Not even my race day frock has given me any real joy.

This was more than the 'Winter Blues', this was serious.

But, being the sort of girl that I am, I couldn't let anyone know this was going on. You see, I didn't want to trouble anyone, I had to be there for other people. And I certainly couldn't admit to being depressed.

I know, I know, it's stupid, but that's how my crazy little head works.

So, before my husband killed me with his bare hands (believe me when I say there were days when I deserved it), I took myself off to the doctor and I'm currently on anti-depressants while I get myself sorted out with a therapist. And the most common side-effect of every single anti-depressant on the market? Weight gain.

I've spoken to my WW leader about it. She has many people in her groups who are trying to lose while taking SSRIs. She estimates about a third don't have any problems still losing, while about two thirds find their weight loss slows right down. I've got my fingers crossed I'm one of the third, but I'm preparing myself to be part of the two thirds.

If any of you out there are doing this while taking an SSRI, I'd love to hear about your experiences. If you want to remain anonymous (and believe me, I understand if you do), the 'Talk to me baby' link in the top right is an email link. Any help or advice you can offer would be most appreciated.

It was hard to admit to the doctors and it's hard to admit to you all. But I need to do it, because I'm starting to feel like a complete phony. If I can't be completely honest here, where can I be?

It's been a struggle to maintain my progress lately. Dragging myself out of bed to do pilates or weights or to leave the house to walk has been an effort that's almost been beyond me. The only thing that has kept me going is the burning desire not to be depressed AND fat. And I suspect the endorphins from the exercise have been keeping me functioning better than I should have been.

But, I'm hugely inspired by all of you and I wanted to give some shout-outs to a couple of you who've really helped me (unwittingly) through this.

Nicole & PL, I get your current experiences more than you'll ever know (and more than I'll ever reveal in my comments). I'm struggling to swim along with you both.

Kimba, your determination in the face of what must feel like impossible odds is a total inspiration to me. I'll be drawing on your strength and determination for the next couple of months. Monkeys make EVERYTHING better.

Beckie, you are a beacon, a light in the darkness. You make me laugh and I love your spirit. You bring sparkles and glamour and joi de vivre. Bring on the taboo!

Sarah, every now and again you'll post something, like your inner voice or about checking out your own arse and it's an absolute corker. I laughed out loud at the last one. SeXy indeed!

DG, I love the way you write and every one of your entries is a delight. Except for the most recent one with that damned Rococo chocolate. Sweet creamy Christ on a cracker, woman... I need me some of that rose milk chocolate, for medicinal purposes, of course!

And the rest of you, I devour your entries like a junkie on crack. You keep me tethered to my purpose and I owe you all hugely for it.

I will fight this and I'll keep at this whole weight loss gig. Hell, it's the one thing I have control over at the moment and I'm not going to let some happy pill derail me. So, for a while at least, it's better living through chemistry and a little head-shrinking. Wish me luck.

A .6kg loss this week. Very nice, thank you very much, I'm firmly in 70s land now.

Better yet, it was time to take the tape measure out on Saturday and I registered a delightful 16cm (6.2") overall loss. Lovely.

So why the gloomy title for this entry?

Well, I was waiting on the result of a much more important number this week. And the news is not good.

One of the reasons I'm doing this is because I have a family history of high cholesterol and I had fairly high cholesterol myself. Not high enough for medication, but high.

I wanted to bring it down with diet and exercise. So, as you all know, I've been steadily losing weight, eating well and exercising.

So you'd think that my results would have me over the moon.

Not so.

My cholesterol levels have actually INCREASED.

Now, before I flung myself into traffic in dispair, my doctor reassured me that it is mostly my 'good' cholesterol (the HDL cholesterol) that had increased. I'd only had a tiny increase in the 'bad' cholesterol (the LDL cholesterol). With my family history of high cholesterol, there's not a whole lot I can do. The odds are stacked against me.

Not only that, but I'm not a smoker, I don't have diabetes and there's no family history of heart disease. So I'm not really at risk.

But my levels are now over the minimum for medication.

She's giving me another six months to work at this with diet and exercise. I've looked at some literature and there's not a lot more I can do to change what I'm eating other than to reduce the amount of cheese I eat (and substitute other forms of protein and dairy) and be more militant about trimming fat off meat. In six months, I hope to be at goal.

In six months, I'd like to have my cholesterol at a managable level. Because otherwise, I'm on medication for the rest of my life.

Yes, photos are forthcoming. However, you don't get to see the dress until the hat is ready. And then, I promise, photos galore!

I had an epiphany today.

Something happened to me that has never happened to me before.

It was profoundly disturbing. I felt like there was something wrong with the universe, like gravity had been reversed or the earth had stopped spinning.

Let me explain...

I was having coffee with my business partner last week and I commented that, one day, I wanted to be invited to a marquee at the Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival. (For non-locals, this is a month-long event based around horse racing where girls get to frock up and swan around exotic tents hosted by big business drinking free champagne and eating free food. It's the place to be seen in November and is très chic.) Peter, being the sort of guy that he is, called me two hours later to tell me he'd gotten us into a marquee.

This posed a dilemma. I needed something to wear, something utterly fabulous. I needed a frock of extreme gorgeousness, as well as a hat and shoes and a bag... well, you get the idea.

So, I took a deep breath, counselled myself to not be too disappointed when I couldn't find anything that I really wanted, and took myself shopping.

I went into a store which had some nice frocks, skirts and tops in nice drapey jersey that wouldn't show too many lumps and bumps. They were in red and black and would work in with the rest of my wardrobe.

They weren't what I really wanted. What I really wanted was a floral bit of nonsense that would make me an instant hit on the track. But they don't make those for big girls.

I decided to settle on a perfectly servicable draped red top and a nicely cut black skirt. There was a bit of consternation when I realised that the 14 (US 10) top fit better than the 16 (US 12), I wasn't used to that, but it was a nice buzz.

I bought them because they were suitable and there wasn't going to be anything else out there for me.

I wandered into some other shops and saw the floral frocks I craved, but none of them fit properly. Those shops never had anything to fit me.

I went into a store I'd never been into before. They didn't make clothes for big girls, so why would I bother? I casually browsed the racks, wistfully looking at lacy bits of nonsense and polka-dotted bits of nonsense and floral bits of nonsense.

I stopped in my tracks. She was black satin with a halter neck and a beautiful floral pattern. She had diamante buckles. She was exquisite. She was a 14 (US 10).

I put her back on the rack and walked away, disappointed, but not surprised.

I poked around a little more.

She called to me.

I walked back to her rack and pulled her out. She was beautiful. I bit my lip in thought. What the heck, what harm was there in trying her on? I probably wouldn't even be able to pull her over my head. But there was no harm in trying.

I took her into the changing rooms.

And the world tilted on its axis.

She fit. Not only did she fit, she looked good. Hell, I looked good! I nearly wept.

A whole new world had suddenly opened up to me. I could shop where skinny girls shopped. I could go into shops and try on things and decide whether to buy them based on the cut or the colour or the fabric rather than the fact that they didn't fit.

Suddenly, I have a choice.

I don't have to buy things because that's all there is for girls my size. I don't have to feel disappointed because of the lack of choice. I don't have to settle for something any more.

I don't have to settle for ANYTHING any more.

And I'm going to look hot!

(And yes, I've done more credit card damage buying TWO outfits for the Spring Racing Carnival. So if you'd like to keep me out of the poor-house, there's still lots of lovely things available in my wardrobe clear-out. Please help, how else can I afford a hat for this thing?)

With great weight loss comes even greater credit card bills. I've had to practically replace my wardrobe (yeah, I know, boo hoo) which I'm doing grudgingly as I'll need to replace it again when I lose the remaining 15kg!

I need help paying off my credit card bill. That's where I hope you come in. I've cleared out my wardrobe of things that don't fit me any more. I've then creamed off the nicest and most recent items and I'm offering them to you. Here's how it works.

I'll list the items below with a photo and as many sizing and measurement details as I can. Each item will be $10 plus postage ($10 in whatever currency you have in your country, it's just easier that way.) You email me and tell me which items you want, please don't ask in the comments. I confirm your request then you send me a money order or you can pay me through PayPal. I will not accept personal cheques and you are out of your freaking mind if you send cash in the mail. Once I have received payment, I will then post you the items.

All items are good quality, have been laundered and have no marks or damage to them. Some will be a little creased from being in storage, nothing a good iron won't fix.

I've photographed and measured them as best as I could and if you have any questions about an item, email me and ask. And yes, I do wear a lot of black.

This is not an auction, it's first in best dressed (pun intended). I'll leave this up for 2 weeks and whatever hasn't gone in that time will go to charity. As people claim items, I'll mark them as gone in the entry.

No haggling, no deals, no refunds, no returns. For $10, if it doesn't turn out to be what you wanted or expected, give it to charity. Sizing may vary with individual items, so if you're not sure, email me and ask.

So here's what's on offer:

Evening Wear

Wicked scarlet acetate/lycra Feathers evening dress. Sleeveless with knot detail at bust and plunging neckline. Stretchy, slinky and sexy!
Size: Aus 16/US 12
Length (back of neck to hem): 106.5cm/42"

Pretty black empire-line polyester/nylon/elastane Innovare dress. Fully lined (polyester). Matching front and back V neckline and split cap sleeves.
Size: Aus 18/US 14
Length (shoulder to hem): 114cm/45"

Sexy black polyester Moods tunic top with tie front. See-through with draped collar and side vents.
Size: Aus 16/US 12
Length (back of neck to hem): 86cm/34"
Arm length: 44cm/17.5"

Gorgeous black polyester satin Ellen Tracey sleeveless top. Really gorgeous, I got married in this!
Size: Aus 14/US 10
Length (back of neck to hem): 62cm/24.5"
Arm length: 44cm/17.5"

Sweet black polyester Studio C top. See-through with ruffled collar and trumpet sleeves.
Size: Aus 18-20/US 14-16
Length (back of neck to hem): 74cm/29"

Luscious red and gold polyester satin Lane Bryant cross-over top. Slight gathering under the bust and trumpet sleeves.
Size: Aus 18-20/14-16
Length (back of neck to hem): 66cm/26"
Arm length: 43cm/17"

Slinky black polyester satin Sussan pyjamas. Collarless with single, fabric covered button detail, hidden button placket and pocket on top. Elasticised waist on bottoms.
Size: Aus 16/US 12
Top length (back of neck to hem): 76cm/30"
Arm length: 46cm/18"
Inner seam length: 79cm/31"

Business Wear

Cool white linen Sussan short-sleeved shirt. Hidden button placket.
Size: Aus 16/US 12
Length (back of neck to hem): 58.5cm/23"

Sharp gun-metal grey cotton/nylon/spandex My Size long-sleeved shirt. Hidden button placket and double button cuff detail. Quite long.
Size: Aus 16/US 12
Length (back of neck to hem): 74cm/29"
Arm length: 43cm/17"

Stunning red polyester/rayon long hunting-style jacket. Single breasted. Black velvet collar, buttons and pocket detail. Fully lined (polyester) and slightly padded shoulders.
Bust: 114cm/45"
Waist: 107cm/42"
Hip: 127cm/50"
Length (back of neck to hem): 80cm/31.5"
Arm length: 46cm/18"

Snappy long black Cue polyester/viscose suit jacket. Collar-less, fully lined (polyester) with single button closure and two hip pockets plus faux breast pocket detail. Shaped at waist and slightly padded shoulders.
Size: Aus 14/US 10
Length (back of neck to hem): 76cm/30"
Arm length: 48cm/19"

Smart black polyester/rayon/viscose crepe Dalkeith suit jacket. Cropped length, single breasted and fully lined (polyester). Fabric-covered buttons with button detail on cuffs. Slightly padded shoulders. Fabric matches this skirt.
Size: Aus 16/US 12
Length (back of neck to hem): 56cm/22"
Arm length: 51cm/20"

Smart black polyester crepe Jacqui E suit skirt. Fully lined (polyester), zip closure with vent in back seam. Fabric matches this jacket.
Size: Aus 18/US 14
Length (waist to hem): 59cm/23"

Cute black polyester Jacqui E suit skirt. Fully lined (polyester), zip closure with vent over left knee and belt loop detail.
Size: Aus 18/US 14
Length (waist to hem): 59cm/23"

Dressy black polyester ankle-length BIB skirt. Elasticised waist and vents on each side.
Waist: 91cm/36" (unstretched) 126cm/50" (stretched)
Hip: 132cm/52"
Length (waist to hem): 91.5cm/36"

Dramatic black polyester ankle-length Katies skirt. Herringbone self-pattern fabric and long vent in back. Fully lined (polyester) with button and zip closure. Very long.
Size: Aus 16/US12
Length (waist to hem): 96.5cm/38"

Elegant black polyester crepe BIB wide-legged pants. Zip, hook and button closure. Waist elasticised in two sections at the back.
Size: Aus 20/US 16
Inner seam length: 71cm/28"

Casual Wear

Soft, natural coloured sweater with self-stripe pattern and boat neckline.
Width: 122cm/48"
Length (back of neck to hem): 66cm/26"
Arm: 46cm/18"

Super cute black pleated polyester/rayon/spandex Torrid skirt. Epaulette style detail at hip. Waist has been taken in a little.
Size: Aus 24/US 20
Waist: 101cm/40"
Length (waist to hem): 51cm/20"

Sweet black rayon/polyester/spandex My Size capri pants. Button and zip fastening and elasticised waist. Cute little vents over each ankle.
Size: Aus 18/US 14
Inner seam length: 51cm/20"

Cute 3/4 length cotton/elastane denim Jacqui E jeans. Low waist with two button detail and zip. Five pockets and turned up cuffs. Comfortably stretchy.
Size: Aus 18/US 14
Inner seam length: 61cm/24"

Comfortable wide-leg 100% cotton denim JeansWest jeans. Button fly with five pockets. Faded dirty denim colour. (Note: The backs of the rivets and buttons have been painted with red nail polish as I'm allergic to nickel. This is invisible from outside and does not affect the appearance of the jeans.)
Waist: 91cm/36"
Inner seam length: 79cm/31"

Go get 'em!

I'm a 70s girl, no time to talk!

For the first time in 10 years, the number on the scales today began with a 7. I lost a massive 1.3kg (2.8lb) this week to make me a delightful 79.3. Safely into 70s territory and my lowest recorded weight.

Also, well into 20 points territory! It's going to take a while to get used to losing those 2 extra points each day, but who's complaining?

We've finally been paid, so I treated myself to my past three goal rewards, an iPod and a watch (which comes with another two bands).

I've spent the last couple of days burning my many CDs to the iPod and creating playlists (the workout playlist is a disco divas wet dream) and faffing around with it.

But what I've really spent the past couple of days doing is gutting my house.

I have this deep, burning desire to clear away clutter, throw out anything I haven't touched in the last 6 months and empty my life of excess stuff (which, for a Taurus, is quite a leap).

Witness my 'Cheap to a good home' post (and there's still plenty of good stuff available, help me pay off the credit card!) emptying out my wardrobe. In addition to the stuff I've listed, there's three bags of t-shirts, underwear and other bits and pieces not worth selling but good enough for charity (there was yet another bag of stuff that just got tossed). And that was JUST the main bedroom.

I'm going to work my way through the house, emptying out all the junk that has accumulated around the place and donate most of it to charity.

I'm not quite sure what's triggered this, but I've firmly believed that you make room in your life for new things to come into it.

I'm in a new place in my life. I'm ready for new things.

Ladies and gentlemen, in the red corner, weighing in at a measly 80.6kg (177.7lbs) down 1kg from last week, we have Lady Miss Tree! [cue wild cheering]

I feel unadulterated glee at this. I'm .6kg away from my lowest recorded weight and .7kg away from being a 70s girl. I've achieved another goal (and about bloody time too, I've cracked the face of my watch and need a new one desperately!)This is a good place to be.

20kg lost. 44lb gone never to darken my door again. I did a little exercise just to see what this means.

Do this for me. Go to Google (don't worry, I won't go anywhere) and enter this into the search box "weighs xx lb" where xx equals the weight you've lost. Convert your weight to kg (or vice versa) and search again. See what you've lost.

I've lost:

• a female orang-utan


• an elephant's heart


• a baby bottle-nosed dolphin


• QANTAS' luggage limit


• a bale of hay


• a 3ft punching bag


• an average six year old child

I've also lost 80 blocks of butter, 80 marmoset monkeys and 4 oriental small-clawed otters.

All I need to do is shed another 3 oriental small-clawed otters and I'll be at goal.

And will probably smell less fishy.