Maybe last week's gain WAS water weight. I mean, I was really good this last week. I got all my exercise each day, I only went over points once, I tracked and I drank my water.
And I lost 1.7kg (3.7lb).
I've lost the weight I gained plus another half kilo, bringing me down to a new lowest weight. I'm only .6kg (1.3lb) from my 30kg (66lb) goal. And I'm only 1.3kg (2.8lb) from being a 60s girl.
It could have been just water weight, it's outrageously hot here and last week was TTOM, but I am keeping up my water so I'd like to think that it was more than that.
Last week was great, but next week is not shaping up to be so promising. It's my boy's 30th birthday and there will be dinners and cake and all sorts of goodies around the house.
Of course I can simply try to be disciplined, but I'm not particularly good at restraint when stuff is in the house. I'm not getting too attached to this loss, because the scales might say something very different next week. But I'll keep up the exercise and the water and hope that I can mitigate the damage.
Even if the loss is temporary, it's been a huge boost. It proved to me that just getting back to basics will do the trick. The basics got me this far, they will get me over the finish line.
I'm also thinking of changing my goal rewards. It occurred to me that if I get a leather jacket at 70kg, then it's almost giving me permission to get back up to that weight. If I get the jacket at my final goal weight, then it will act as a reminder to keep myself on track. I'm going to need lingerie anyway, so it really doesn't make much of a reward.
I thought a more useful reward would be a couple of sessions with a personal trainer. Those last few kilos are notoriously difficult to remove, so why not reward myself by enlisting some help?
My exercise routine has been pretty good so far, but reviewing with a personal trainer, especially with an eye to future maintenance, is not a bad idea.
So my mantra this week? Just 600gm to my next goal, just 600gm to my next goal.
I CAN do it.
An entirely expected gain of 1.2kg (2.6lb) this week, and I'm bloody thankful it wasn't more. This isn't PMS or water retention from eating salty food or anything like that. It's plain old lack of exercise and poor eating.
I'm stepping up to the plate, admitting that I lost the plot and just taking it a day at a time, trying to get back on track.
And mixing metaphors like a lunatic.
I had gotten into a headspace where I believed that just thinking positively was enough. That surely this packet of Mint Slices wouldn't hurt and that, sure, I'd had pizza twice this week, but I could get away with more take away and I'll do some exercise tomorrow. Or maybe next week.
Depression does disasterous things to your motivation and this week I'm back to basics. My goals are very simple. Every day I try to do some exercise, track my food and drink water. If I do that, it's a success. If I stay within my points, it's a bonus. If I get all my exercise done (half an hour of cardio and half an hour of strength or flexibility exercises), then it's miraculous.
Forget the weight loss, I just need to get back into my good habits again.
Keeping it really simple and just focusing in on those steps seems to be do-able. I can't consciously 'lose weight', but I can do these simple things to help achieve that.
It's something that I'm implementing throughout my life right now. I'm making lists and working from them, trying to turn the overwhelming into managable bits that don't leave me wanting to hide under the doona for the day. It's working so far and the satisfaction of marking things as done is immensely satisfying.
The fact that I'm exercising again is a huge bonus too. It might have been 33C (91F) out today, but I was legging it around Albert Park lake at lunchtime anyway and it felt good. The sun on my skin, the ache of my muscles, the rhythm of my movements and those lovely little endorphins that make everything better.
So today was a good day. Tuesday was a good day. Even Monday was a good day, weigh in and all. Three good days in a row. Not a bad start, really.
Yes, finally, this site is up and running again. Deepest apologies for the black out, believe me, if there was a way to get back here earlier, I would have done it. I have missed being able to talk to you guys more than you can ever know.
If you're glad to have me back, then tell my boy, because it's all due to him. He's been slaving his fingers to the bone trying to figure out why MT has been giving us grief. But he put his planet-sized brain to the challenge and here I am.
And not before time too.
A couple of you who've spoken to me or emailed me know that things have been very difficult of late.
I've been overwhelmed, not just by work and life in general, but because I've gone into what is called 'processing' in therapy. I'm digging around in my past and trying to cope with what I'm digging up.
Now, before anyone gets super worried, it's just regular childhood trauma I'm digging up, nothing that anyone could go to jail over. But it's my trauma and it's shaped who I am for better or for worse and it's stuff that I thought I had dealt with.
Turns out, not so much.
I'm digging around at the root of my eating habits. And, in order to cope, I've been eating like an insane person.
Ghastly things are being ingested at a rate previously only observed in nature documentaries featuring starving scavengers. Exercise is being woefully neglected.
Right now, it's all I can do to get out of bed some days, let alone eat properly and get some exercise.
Now, I know that the endorphins from exercise will help kick this depression to the curb. My logical brain knows that. But the part of my brain that still thinks that pizza will make the pain go away also thinks that it's too hard to go for a walk.
Today was a good day. Today I did some weights and I walked. Today I ate a good breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also polished off half a box of Valentine's Day chocolates and half a bag of gummies, but that's pretty mild compared to the past week.
I doubled my dose of St John's Wort and liquid vitamin B. I threw in some Evening Primrose Oil because it's the week before my period. That with the exercise, helped me get through today.
Today was a good day.
I'll try for something similar tomorrow. Hopefully that makes tomorrow a good day too.