I know I've said it innumerable times here and in comments on other blogs, if you have a bit of a blow out, don't beat yourself up.

Well, I'm about to make an exception to the rule.

My brother regularly comes over every fortnight for a bit of a gossip. We order in dinner and I usually make pretty good choices. I also allow for the meal in my exercise and my points in the days before and after.

This week, we ordered pizza. In my head, I was going to order my usual thin-base marinated chicken pizza (so good!) and eat three pieces of it and chuck the rest (usually done just after the pizza arrives so I don't even get the choice to eat it).

OK, so I didn't order the chicken pizza, I ordered the seafood with all the cheese and the buttery garlic sauce. And it was deep pan, but that was just because the pizza place fucked up my order again. And I didn't do my usual trick of tossing out half the pizza so I ate all six slices of the damned thing.

Now, ordinarily, at this point I would be reassuring myself that it's not the end of the world, it's just pizza and the sky is yet to fall on my head.

It's pizza, not armageddon. Right?

Well, that's not the reason I'm making grumpy faces at myself. Yes, I made a bad choice. That's fine. It happens.

But the pizza was just plain BAD. It didn't taste good. Yet I kept shovelling it in. It should have been easy to stop at a couple of slices because I wasn't enjoying it at all. But it was there, so I kept going.

THAT is what is making me grumpy. It's fine to make a bad choice if you're really enjoying it. But if it wasn't even delicious, what the hell was I thinking?

Ordinarily, if it doesn't taste good, I don't want to eat it. Why would I persist in eating yucky pizza?

Now, it happened to be a couple of hours after my first therapy session (which went incredibly well) and the same day I'd started new medication (which has gone incredibly badly), so I do need to cut myself some slack.

I was clearly indulging in some emotional eating. Although I'm not entirely sure what emotional satisfaction I hoped to get from eating bad pizza. It was a double header of negativity, I didn't enjoy eating it and I felt bad after eating it.

I'll try to chalk this one up to experience, but in the future, I'm going to make sure my binges are yummy. If you're going to feel bad about eating something to excess, it might as well be delicious!