Back to the little losses again, just .2kg (.4lb) but it makes the total lost a nice round 14kg (30.8lb). Quite satisfying when you look at it like that.
But there is a reason why I've been so quiet and it's completely the wrong reason to be quiet. And it's led me to the sort of place I'd only read about in sensationalist magazines.
Just a quick bit of background. I'm an IT consultant who runs her own business. Things have been very quiet of late. Too quiet. In fact, I've not done any chargeable work since the middle of June.
Understandably, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment. I'm depressed about not working, I'm anxious about money, I'm scared about feeling helpless.
And despite my great loss last week, the fact that I'm fitting into a bunch of different clothes and a whole lot of other good stuff that's happened, my motivation has plummeted.
I made chocolate brownie cake for my mum's birthday two weeks ago. I had a small piece and gave most of the leftovers away. My husband threw the rest in the bin.
Late that week, it was all I could do not to dig through the rubbish and get the cake. And eat it.
I've only read about things like that in magazine articles and tell-all autobiographies. I never thought I would be the sort of person to even contemplate it.
I didn't get the cake out of the bin. I didn't sink that far, but that's how low I'm feeling right now.
It's hard to admit. It's harder to blog about. I hate feeling this way.
Most of my lack of motivation is manifesting itself as slothing about in my track pants watching bad daytime television. Despite my intellect telling me that exercise will give me the endorphins I need to help feel better, it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed.
I feel like rubbish, but I've promised myself I'll get my exercise done this week. I managed to work out yesterday and today, even going for a walk in the pouring rain.
The exercise won't be enough to dig me out of the hole, but it stops me from digging it any deeper.
My rule is that I must go out for the walk or run, if in 10 minutes I want to stop I am free to go home...but I rarely do!
Honey you sound like you are in a bit of a depression...not surprising with the anxiety about work and weight loss...your body is changing alot.
I go through bouts of depression and its not fun. I have resorted to medication at certain times. Talk to your doctor or go see a naturalpath, but do know that exercise is definitly at the top of the list of mood boosters....also, an extra dose of a B complex vitamin can do wonders when feeling in a slump, there have also been several studies that have shown that B vitamins aid in the burning of fat...they are still trying to determine why. Folic acid is another great one...I take a B complex with folic acid.
I know this is a long blurb but please take care of yourself and monitor how you are feeling.
xo
I'm so hearing you. I was thinking the other day about how when you most need exercise, you least feel like it, and the less you move, the more tired (and lacking in endorphins) you are, so you feel that you just can't possibly move your butt. And so it creates this sort of vicious spiral - the more you sloth, the more you can't break out of slothing!
But if you can just exercise ONCE, you'll get your endorphins and motivation back, and that will be enough to get you to the next time, and the next time, and before you know it, it'll be a habit again...well it worked for me a few weeks ago and I've now moved my big ole butt every day for a few weeks!
Served up by Kimba at 01:00 on 29|07|04