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GOAL!

30kg gone, never to haunt me again. 66lb whittled away, gone forever.

I am incapable of expressing how good this feels right now. I was literally shaking with shock on the scales at the meeting today (late weigh in because of the public holiday on Monday). My heart was fluttering in my chest and I've felt 12ft tall and bullet proof all day.

I am so proud of how far I've come and how much I've achieved. And I'm inspired to finish the journey, to make it to goal and to show the world just what I'm capable of.

So much has changed since I posted my list of reasons why I wanted to lose weight.

For a start, I can wear a skirt without tights and not have my thighs bleed from the chafing. Tights go on like a dream. I've moved beyond a size 14 in jeans and I'm heading into 12s. I wear pretty lingerie and have much more choice in clothes.

I'm proud of my body and I'm proud of how much healthier I am. At my heaviest I found myself taking naps at every opportunity. Now I'm busting with energy. I hardly ever get sick, while before I used to catch every bug that went past. I'm enjoying being physical and moving and getting out into the fresh air.

I have some way to go with the list of emotional reasons, but that's what therapy is for. You don't break the habits of 25 years overnight (yes, I've been eating emotionally since I was seven), but I'm working on it. And I'm proud of how far I've come.

I'm learning to be kinder and more patient with myself. I'm becoming more forgiving of my faults. I'm listening to my needs and respecting them. I'm valuing myself more highly and respecting myself for my capabilities, my determination and my strength.

This has been so much more than simply weight loss and anyone who is trying to lose weight who thinks it's just about shifting fat is deluding themselves.

I am a changed woman, inside and out. I'm changing more every day. It's a beautiful journey and more than anything else, I'm so glad that on February 16th 2004, I had the courage to take the first step.

This journey will not end. Sure, I'll reach goal, but I will always be discovering new and wonderful things about myself. This is a journey of a lifetime and I can't wait to see what's around the next corner.

I would just like to take this opportunity to bid a polite, yet firm farewell to the last two gains plus an extra .3kg (.6lb) and welcome, with open arms, a new lowest weight ever of 70.9kg (156.3lb)!

With that nasty .9kg (1.9lb) gone, there's only .3kg to my next goal of 30kg (66lb) lost.

And there's only one thing standing between me and that goal.

Easter.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like it's going to be ChocFest 2005 here at Chez Tree & Ghost, but there are a few hurdles I need to jump over before I start looking up personal trainers in the Yellow Pages.

Like hot cross buns.

See, I could eat half a dozen hot cross buns, toasted and slathered in butter, without batting an eyelash. Hell, I USED to eat that. The minute hot cross buns landed in the shops, I'd be buying them and eating them for breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dessert, you name it.

I ADORE hot cross buns. I just love 'em.

This year, I've tried to be ever so good. I've not bought any until this week. I have half a dozen and I'm sharing them with Ghost. I MAY buy another half dozen, but I'll try to make these last until Good Friday. But an Easter without hot cross buns? You might as well ask me to cut off a leg. Ain't gonna happen. Compromise is the best I can offer here.

Sure, there will be a little chocolate too. That's fine. A bit of chocolate is good for you. But it will be good quality chocolate, not that nasty shit you get in the supermarkets. I'd rather have one minature Lindt gold bunny than half a dozen Elegant Rabbits. Better yet, I'll have a little Easter bilby so I get a treat and to help preserve these little guys from extinction. But then, for me, the pleasure of chocolate has always come from quality, not quantity.

No, the big hurdle for Easter has always been the traditional lunch at Mum's on Easter Sunday. Usually it's a big leg of lamb, roasted vegetables, dessert, cheese and wine. Not so bad on its own, but when you throw in the chocolate and the hot cross buns, it has the potential to be a disaster.

This year we're doing something different, but I don't think it's going to be any better. My brother, wanting to avoid the inevitable dishes more than anything else, wants to do finger food and nibblies. I'd almost prefer the roast because I can control portions much more easily than with nibblies. Because they're just that, nibbly. You nibble and nibble and nibble and all of a sudden you've eaten far more than you could manage in a sit down meal.

So what I need to focus on this week is my exercise and asking myself, every time I go to put something in my mouth, how is this helping me get to my 30kg goal? It may not help me every single time, but it sure would be nice to hit that goal next Tuesday.

OK, so I was pretty disappointed in a gain this week. I'd been much better behaved and kept up the exercise. I was hoping to peel off the previous week's gain.

Then I did something that put it all into perspective for me.

I took out my tape measure.

I measure myself on the 16th of every month (my WW month-iversary), just to see how I'm doing.

Now, weight-wise, I'm actually UP .1kg (.2lb) from the 16th of February.

But I've lost 10.5cm (4.1").

Shrinkage with no corresponding weight loss?

We all know what that means...

I'm building MUSCLE, baby!

Ya know, if those two gains mean that my butt now fits into a size 12, then bring it on!

Seriously, at the end of the day, my weight on the scales doesn't really matter. I'm not a jockey or prize fighter, for heaven's sake. But if I look good and can wear nice clothes and I don't get puffed running for the tram or walking up steps anymore, then I'll take a couple of gains.

So, make a note, all of you. Measure yourselves! Every month at least! Because even when the scales might be letting you down, your body might not be.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go dance with excitement at my total centimetres lost...

Another gain this week - .4kg (.8lb) - but I'm absolutely sure it's water weight. Apart from it being TTOM, I... ah... accidentally 'fell' on the bathroom scales a couple of times earlier last week and the numbers that came up began with a SIX! Both times!

So I'm hoping that hitting the bottle plus my evening primrose oil will help rid me of that water weight next week.

I don't think I'll be a 60s chick next week, but I'll be damned close!

What was more exciting at weigh in today is that I was recognised from my blog! A lovely lady at my meeting told me that she had read my blog and recognised me from pictures.

What a huge buzz! We commiserated about the terrible leader this meeting has (it's not just me, this poor thing has spent meetings pinching her inner thighs to stop herself from jumping up mid-meeting and telling this idiot leader to shut up!) and had a lovely chat.

Unfortunately, because it didn't occur to me to introduce myself (well, she kinda knows who I am already!), I didn't catch her name. So, lovely lady with the gorgeous shoes, please leave a comment so I know who you are!

Speaking of our dreadful leader, I have decided that when I reach goal, I'll be finding Katherine's meeting and going to that instead for my maintenance.

Maintenance is just too important to put in the hands of this fool woman and I'd rather the inconvenience of travelling across town to Katherine's only meeting than possibly mess my maintenance program up.

I'm hoping that my work hours calm down a little this week (I'm seriously working from 9am to midnight most days, even this long weekend) so that I can post a little more often. I feel a Dr Tree™ rant coming on...

A gain this week, but an entirely expected one. When you eat nearly half a birthday cake, chips, pizza, Chinese (including Peking and Crispy Skinned Duck), Thai, choc tops, popcorn and Baskin Robbins, it's kind of a given. But it was the boy's 30th and it deserved to be celebrated most thoroughly.

And it was. [grin]

But do I care about a gain? Not a bit. Especially when it's only .2kg (.4lb).

You know why I don't care?

Because the pants I'm wearing? The suit jacket hanging on the chair behind me?

They are SIZE 12!

Do you have any idea when I last wore a size 12? If you do, let me know, because I don't remember.

I had to go shopping last weekend, my work wardrobe was getting truly dire. One of the only skirts I could still wear needed to be pinned on either side of the waist to keep it up. My shirts billowed around me. The last pair of black pants I owned were about to get me arrested for public nudity.

I couldn't really afford it, but it was go shopping or show up to client sites looking like a bag lady.

So, I'm wandering around Chadstone when I spot this DIVINE suit in the window at Ojay. I go in and grab the suit in a 16 and a 14 (you never know which size you'll be). I go into the change room and start with the size 14 pants.

I nearly needed to be resuscitated when I realised they were too big!

I think my favourite phrase in the English language is now, "Er, this is too big. Can you get me a size 12?"

And not just the jacket, the PANTS! This from Miss Thunder Thighs/Child Bearing Hips 2004!

Actually, the irony is that while I've spent most of my adult life with a bottom usually equated to the back end of a bus, now that I've lost weight, I have no arse at all. Broad hips and big thighs still, but no arse.

None.

Gone.

Flat as a pancake.

I was hoping to keep a little junk in the trunk! I don't want flat, old lady bum! Maybe I can shift some of the fat still on my thighs to my buttocks? No? Damn.

So, how did I get away with eating so much last week? The clue was on the 'behind the scenes' Biggest Loser episode. If I do enough of the right sort of exercise for my body, I can get away with murder. How do you think Bob got away with eating cupcakes and snagging bits of pie and snacking all the time? He's a personal trainer!

I knew I was going to be eating hideously last week, so I focused on my water and my exercise. Sure, there might still be some damage next week, but this week my eating is back on track again, in addition to the exercise and water. I've found I can have a week of debauchery, as long as I keep up the exercise. Half an hour brisk walk every day (to find your fat burning pulse rate subtract your age from 220 and then find 70% of that number. Whatever that number is should be your heart rate as you walk. Mine is 220-32=188. 70% of 188 is 132 - so my fat burning heart rate is 132 beats per minute) plus half an hour of weights (serious dumbbells, not stupid, girly, pink handweights) three times a week and Winsor pilates three times a week.

It burns off a multitude of sins and allows you to have your cake too!

Finally, deepest apologies on the lack of updates and the lateness of this one. I'm currently working with 4 clients simultaneously and working from 6am to around midnight every day. Absolutely buggered, but it means lots of lovely money coming in soon. Hmmm, maybe a holiday might be in order...