It's time to call in the men in the white coats to get me fitted for one of those nice huggy jackets with the buckles down the back.
Why?
Because I have completely lost my mind.
The last couple of weeks have been really tough for me. Appalling eating, infrequent and uninspired exercise, you name it. And, for the life of me, I've not been able to figure out why.
Then the delectable Kimba summed it up perfectly for me. I read this on her blog (I hope you don't mind me quoting you, sweetie):
I have a confession, I don't think I'm going to have a good weigh-in result this week. Because I've felt my focus sliding a bit. Not a lot, but my exercise hasn't been as intense, my eating has been slipping. I've allowed a few too many 'slack-arse' choices, and I shouldn't have. I know that it's psychologically got something to do with achieving my last 2 big challenges/milestones, and thereby subconsciously thinking I can take a bit of a 'break' and let up on the intensity/strictness.
All of a sudden, lightbulbs and alarm bells started going off. It was quite startling.
Why?
Because, somehow, in my crazy brain, the 27.5kg (60lb) I've lost managed to disappear quite of its own accord, without any effort on my part. Like the magic weight-loss fairies showed up overnight and I woke up three sizes smaller.
For some reason, that amount of weight seems so immense, it is impossible to believe that I lost it all by myself. Don't even get me started on the fact that most people cannot believe that I even had that much to lose, that's another subject for another day.
Somehow, all that effort and all those days of eating right and walking and doing all the things I needed to do to slowly peel off the kilos vanished. I'd done it. It was easy. Now I was free to slack off, eat as I pleased and lounge around the house all day.
As I posted in Kimba's comments, I'm clearly smoking crack.
All I have to do is read back over this thing to see what it took to get here. It wasn't easy, it was bloody hard work and I had to work for every single gram of it.
What I was doing then got me to where I am now. What I'm doing now, will get me right back to where I started from.
I'm lazy. I can't be bothered losing all that weight again. So I need to get back on the wagon. I need to remember how hard it has been to get here and how good it feels to be here. I need to think about how much better it will feel when I get to goal.
I need to remember that my new jeans are not compatible with regular trips to Baskin Robbins.
I need to remember that good eating and exercise is what has got me here, not magical weight-loss fairies (although how good would that be?!). That is now my life, these are the things that need to happen every day for me to get where I want to go and stay there.
You think insane asylums have good gym equipment?
Well take me with you, since I seem to think that not planning my food choices out obsessively will stll help me lose weight, even when not pleanning leads to things like donuts and Taco Bell. oy.
Of course I don't mind you quoting me, I'm just an attention-whore like everyone else, heh. And you know, if you keep calling me delectable, I don't care what you do :)
Sounds like you're in the same headspace I got into last year when I plateaued. I'd been so busy congratulating myself on how far I'd come I forgot about how much EFFORT I'd put in to get there, and thought the weight was just going to keep miraculously falling off, even if I was letting myself slack off and wasn't trying as hard any more.
Half my problem was that I'd been successful for ages while getting away with the occasional 'indiscretion' (like having a loss even when I'd eaten less than well, or not exercised) - so I started allowing more and more indiscretions and thought that I could continue to get away with it. Um, nope.
Anyway, at least you've recognised that this is what's happening, that's half the battle won.
Oh and I love your line 'my new jeans are not compatible with regular trips to Baskin Robbins', another Tree classic! heh.
Missladytree:
How can we, your readers, help you get back on track. We would love to hear more from you about your struggles.
Come on, admit it - you'd rather have the new jeans than icecream all the time, wouldn't you? Part of you would, and that's the determined, strong part of you that will get you to your goal. The tired, worn-down-by-2004 part of you has had her turn now. You've listened to her and given her some space, and now you're heading in the right direction again. 2005 WILL be your year. (encouraging hug)
Ladymistree, you sound like you know what you need to do, you just need to want to do it again. I was going to suggest you read over your old journal entries, but you thought of that already. 8.1kg to go, then you can slack off a little and work on the whole maintenance bit, rather than trying to lose. Good luck xo
Oh that finish line is oh so close isn't it? It's so easy to rest on your laurels. You have boosted your metabolism through the hard work you have done for 48 weeks! But, you are right, that doesn't mean you can have ice cream every day. But, you might find that you can treat yourself quite frequently now without gaining weight and sometimes you just get the urge to push it to find out how far you can go before gaining. That is quite healthy. That will show you how you will need to maintain your weight at goal. So rather than you thinking of this as "falling off the rails", think of it as "training for maintenace" and then get your arse back into gear.
OOh! I think that I just had a Mama Tree moment. Sorry!
Firstly from someone who works in insane asylums (although we prefer the pollitically correct term of mental health inpatient units *wink*) I can tell you they have fantastic gyms!!!
But you won't need it as you are not crazy. You are going through what I fear will happen to me at the end....when you've lost enough to feel semi good about how you look then how do you find the motivation to continue.
I was worried about you already from your lack of recent updates but now I know you are fine.
You have already found the key to your thinking and you'll pull yourself out of this one :)
You are my super-slimmer so if I can do it you can too!!!!!
We're here for you
:)
Cheers P
Aren't you glad you have a record of it here? There's no fooling yourself into believing that there are weight loss fairies, just come read your own words.
Tree,
I'm a little lost for words and crying like a baby.
I'm here. I'm there. Right now. Lost. Not sure why and not sure how I 'forgot' to lose weight.
You've inspired me for today's blog.
Love ya skinny girl.
Great post today!
Served up by Santana at 01:43 on 17|01|05