Ouch.

.9kg (1.9lb) gain this week.

Not that this was at all unexpected.

After all, it is TTOM (water retention), my sinuses are playing up (inflammation = more water retention) and my system is, ah... shall we say... a little backed up.

Oh, and on top of that, I've just spent the last seven days eating like a crazed thing.

Let's see, this week, I ate a family sized bag of chips, a family block of chocolate, half a packet of shortbread creams, half a packet of mint slices, half a packet of jelly lollies and I had a full fat curry laksa. And there was the business lunch with the Spanish tapas, the bottle of wine and the dessert of thick, hot chocolate sauce for dipping deep-fried churros in.

Not to mention the odd licks, bites and nibbles that have been sneaking in (just how many times did I dip my finger in the peanut butter jar?) and the odd day sans exercise.

Damn, I'm lucky to get away with just putting on .9kg.

And I can feel it. I can really feel the extra weight on me. It sounds crazy, but it's not. My body feels heavier. I feel icky.

Of course, the real question to be asking here is why on earth I thought schlorking down all this food would be a good idea.

The answer? The usual sad, sorry tale.

Me + feeling overwhelmed = eating like a crazy person.

Work is still insane (I'm averaging 12 hour days), my job may be changing drastically over the next couple of months and there was a death in the family this week. I also have a bunch of little stuff I need to do that I never seem to get time to get around to, like sending out gifts and returning emails and things like that.

I don't know whether I'm Arthur or Martha and I suspect that right now, I couldn't find my arse with both hands, a flashlight and a GPS tracking device.

Logically, I know that eating won't help me. And once the nummy flavours were gone and my belly didn't feel safe and full, I was still me with all the issues I still had to deal with plus the fact that I'd just gorged myself on crap.

So I'm overwhelmed and frustrated and guilty and upset and a whole bunch of other icky things. And I've just spent a week reminding myself, the hard way, that food is nothing but fuel and it won't make me feel any better about anything.

But that's OK. I've done it. It's over. I'm still feeling those things and I'm going to use other techniques, like exercise or taking some time out for myself, to try and deal with them.

Sure, I'm disappointed, but I couldn't really expect anything else.

What I've done is not important, what I do next is. I exercised today. I ate clean, tracked and was just under my points for the day. There will be more challenges this week and I'll just try to make the best decisions I can.

Yes, I want to reach my goal weight more than I want to eat junk, but some days it's hard to remember that.