OK, I know there are people who read this blog who have said these very words to me (and it's been said to me a lot recently), so don't take it personally, but if ONE MORE PERSON says, "I can't believe you had 30kg to lose! You wore it so well!" (or words to that effect) then I'm going on a homicidal rampage.
I kid you not.
There will be death, people. Copious amounts of messy, slow death.
What are people thinking when they say this to me?
I know they mean well, but when I hear those words, my brain hears, "You looked fine, we could barely tell you were a fat sow, you didn't need to lose all that weight!" (Hey, I warned you that this blog was going to be irrational.)
Yes, I've spent many years dressing very carefully so that I didn't look as big as I was. But I was big. Really fucking big. Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean I wasn't big.
It is not flattering to be told that you wore 30kg of flab well. It does not make me feel better. I have come to terms with the fact that I was morbidly obese. I don't need others to try to make me feel better about that.
What it makes me feel is that losing all that weight was pointless. If I looked just fine topping the scales at 100.6kg, then why bother taking it off? (Remember, IRRATIONAL blog!) Did my fat suit me? Should I just keep prancing around in an obese body because I didn't look obese?
Seriously, I've come to terms with what I did to my body. I don't need you to try to make me feel OK about that. Been there, done that, threw out the t-shirt because it's too big for me now.
I understand that weight can be a very sensitive issue and people are worried that they will say the wrong thing. Tell me I look vibrant, fitter, disgustingly well, more muscular, fantastic, whatever. But when I tell you I've lost 30kg, believe me when I say that I needed to lose it.
And do NOT tell me I wore it well.
Feed me baby
Ok I'll bite.....but no bloodshed ok?? *wink*
Spurred on by your words I went in search of pics but could only find your virtual models (and as someone who has their own virtual model I know how flattering they are...hardly accurate at the best of times)
I think Eyes wide open (above)said it well...people just don't mean it the way it sounds.
But yes...I totally agree with you that in another 20kg's time I'd like to hear "You know what you didn't look so good before but damn baby you is hot now!!" rather than "gee you never looked that heavy to me" (the latter can be read as 'Shit you were a big saggy-baggy blob of lard before but I guess you look more normal now')
I'm rambling a bit but bottom line is: I GET YOU!!
Heaven help the next little polite chicken who does not.....lol
Keep up the great work (you formally fat but now gorgeous creature you!!!...hehehe is that better)
*wink*
Cheers P
*nods*
I hear you.
I have had two ex-boyfriends go out of their way to write to me and phone me to say how they don't liek me doing this challenge because they thought I was beautiful and 'perfect' before.
I use things like grace, poise, posture, elegance, nice clothes and accentuated my good features to draw people's attention away from the fact that I am morbidly obese. It works.
I have to say, I understand people are being nice when they say "Wow, you didn't look like you needed to lose 30 kgs" but all I do is whip out an old photo where no neck can be seen.
They soon get the picture.
Now, have you been to try on leather jackets yet?
OH LORDY!!! I get told this daily. "There is no WAY you weigh 200lbs." Well, people I DO! Scales don't lie. Even if I wear it well it does not mean my heart wears it well. Or that my brain wears it well.
But from the rational side I understand people *thinking* that these comments help, that they make us feel better.
Grrrrrrrr! So many people are too stupid/lazy to think about the effect their words have on others - saying 'ooh I didn't notice you were a lard arse' (or words to that effect) is easiest for them becuase no mental activity was required to let it drop from their gobs. Grrrr
But we didn't lose the weight for them, so there. We lost it b/c we had the guts to accept we needed to change, and to do something about it. So *raspberries* to them, and big ticker tape parades to us.
I also wore my weight well. People can't believe how much I weighed with such a small frame.
We get kudos for knowing how to dress! But...
You are right that no one should say these things to you, but I'm sure they do not realise how much the words hurt. Try not to let it get to you and keep up the good work.
I know what you mean. I am 6 foot tall and ppl say things to the same effect when I say I need to lose 20kg. Yep! Just because I'm tall and wear it well doesn't mean I don't need to lose weight still. I can understand how you would get upset. I just put it down to that they think it might be nice to say... or don't think at all... but I gotta remember why I'm losing it and not let ppl's opinions or comments falter me or anything, coz I don't wanna stay like this??
BTW, do you have any piccies to share? Congrats on losing that flab! You must feel over the moon, I can't wait till I have taken control and can *really* be sexy...
Thanks for the inspiration, Nat :)
I think people say those things because they are uncomfortable with the thought that saying you look wonderful now means they are really saying you looked like shit before. Still, it's what I'd want to hear...so I totally get you Mistree.
Served up by Eyes Wide Open at 02:47 on 07|04|05